Every time I have read articles about the relationship between a crossdresser and his wife, they have always been written from the crossdresser's point of view. That is why I would now like to make an attempt to present the wife's point of view on crossdressing.
I am aware that each case is different and will depend on several factors, among them the way your wife finds out that her husband is a crossdresser, among others. Apparently, all the problems on this issue come from not telling the wife about our crossdressing from the beginning. If she had known before she got married, she would have had a choice but apparently on most occasions she never had that choice.
Before talking openly about my crossdressing with my wife, I was just absorbed in my own situation, in how much I would like to be able to share this with my wife and, above all, that she would willingly accept to support me in this. I never stopped to think about how she would feel about it. All that mattered to me at that moment was that she said yes to my request. And I came to the conclusion that I was never fair to her in that sense. When I did, when I tried to put myself in her shoes, I could understand that this experience, in an extreme case, could be terrible and depressing for any wife. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems that no one who has been through this situation would ever have thought to put themselves in their wife's shoes and think about how shocking it would be for her to see her husband, the man she married, dressed in a garter belt, panties and bra (not to mention the wigs, makeup, heels and everything else), and that discomfort could only grow over time if no way is found to deal with the situation in a way that is fair to both of them. Let's just think about what it would be like to have sex under these circumstances. Whatever your sexual preference, I'm sure you can understand what it would be like to feel obligated to share with a person who is not the sex or sexual preference you are attracted to. What offered a sexual turn-on for him was a turn-off for her. In many cases getting the wife to accept your tastes is not so impossible. The problem can come later, basically due to the lack of knowledge of both wife and crossdresser husband.
In the case of the wife, she doesn't really know what to expect from the whole situation. She may act in good faith at first and agree to support you through all this, but in truth she will not know if she can adapt all the expectations she had for her marriage, her values and beliefs to this new reality.
She simply never saw herself living this situation. It is not just a question of information. It's that she doesn't know how such a crossdresser husband fits into her vision of life. If she did, she would have found herself a crossdresser husband from the beginning and everyone would have been happy like in fairy tales.
In the case of the crossdresser husband, he doesn't really know how to handle this situation either, as he might mistake his wife's initial acceptance of trying this as tacit approval for him giving free rein to his wildest fantasies. It may also happen that he does not know what he really wants, how far he wants to go with his taste for crossdressing, believing that just by crossdressing up he will be satisfied when deep down he knows that what he really wants goes much further. So he ends up trying to amend a lie with a much bigger one. That can only lead to much bigger problems. Now imagine all that could be going through the mind of a wife in this situation, thinking about what she would have done wrong for this to happen, questioning her own womanhood. Feeling unattractive, unloved, angry. Silently depressing herself.
The feeling would be horrible.
Much worse if the husband, enjoying his new freedom, does not realize that his wife has a problem that she could not solve on her own. Thinking that if she is open minded she will accept crossdressing in a good way is a mistake as people can be open minded about some things but not all. There are always limits.
Another mistake is to think that if your wife loves you she must accept your interest in crossdressing. Love has nothing to do with the whole thing. She could tell you that if you love her you could drop the whole crossdressing thing and be the man she wanted again. It just doesn't work that way.
I know that all of the above paints a bleak picture, where there seems to be no chance of success in talking to your wife about crossdressing. But this is not the case. There is always the possibility of getting out of this situation in a way that strengthens the marriage.
I am not an expert on the subject. The only merit I have is that I went through this process and I am still with my wife whom I love deeply. If I had to give any advice, I would sum it up in two:
Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your wife. Know what you really want to get out of this whole process.
Take into account what your wife wants and expects from her marriage and her husband. Remember that in a relationship your wife's desires are just as important as yours.
I sincerely hope you find this information useful if you are thinking of venturing into these seas.
Sissy Family
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